Okay… So it’s been a while. I’ll be the first to admit I’ve sort of been neglecting the site, although I can honestly say it has always been at the back of my mind, every time I open my computer to the usual industry gossip websites or scan through the late night garbage on network TV these days… Over the last two months I’ve done my fair share of terrible film watching, and I’ve certainly taken copious notes. I’ve had all the good intentions in the world, but my intentions probably don’t mean much if ultimately I end up acting like a lazy bastard. The road to Hell and all that…
Whatever. I’m back now, which is really all that matters, right?
Being away from the site for so long did seem to create this strange, sort of nostalgic feeling in me though. Perhaps that’s why I chose 1999’s remake of The Mod Squad first from my two-month stockpile of crappy movies. The very mention of Claire Danes brings with it a flood of adolescent memories and teenage awkwardness. It’s the kind of nostalgia that makes you happy to be out of high school. So it’s fitting that The Mod Squad would have the same effect. Kind of like, I remember when that was cool. What the fuck was everybody thinking?
There are so many problems with this film it’s difficult to decide where to start. The plot is confusing. What I do know: three young delinquents (Julie, Pete and Linc, played by Danes, Giovanni Ribisi and Omar Epps, respectively) go undercover for the police department in order to keep their own asses out of jail; a dirty cop steals drugs from the evidence lock up, and it becomes the trio’s mission to figure out who it is; their mentor (Dennis Farina) is murdered, and it becomes the trio’s mission to figure out who did it; there’s a prostitution ring (?) that might be connected to a drug ring (?), and Julie was once involved with one of its members (Billy, played by Josh Brolin). What I don’t know: pretty much everything else. How did the trio get recruited to begin with? Did they know each other before hand? What’s the connection between the prostitution ring and the drug ring? How did the cops get involved in them anyway? I found myself spending so much time wondering what the hell was going on that I had lost interest entirely by the twenty minute mark.
Are you bored? I'm bored. Does anyone remember what we're supposed to be doing here?
The characters are terrible. Danes is alright as the street-wise, no-nonsense Julie, and Epps offers sporadic comedic relief, but Ribisi’s Pete is nearly unbearable. To say that his attempt at playing the quirky smart ass falls short is an understatement. I love Ribisi, don’t get me wrong… I loved him in Boiler Room and Gone in Sixty Seconds. Shit, I loved him as the narrator in The Virgin Suicides. But as Pete? Smart ass comes across as mentally unstable. Or retarded, I can’t quite decide. And it’s clear the filmmakers were trying to use his character as the comedic element, but the Abbott and Costello-esque relationship between he and Linc is ridiculous and predictable, right down to the lame subplot involving Pete’s inevitable destruction of Linc’s cherished car.
And on top of everything else, the writers decide to throw in a would-be romantic element with Julie. I say would-be because it unfolds kind of like this: Julie’s realized her ex, Billy (who, by the way, is given absolutely no history… he’s pretty much just some guy who deals in drugs and hookers yet is still somehow appealing enough to land her in bed) is a part of the cop conspiracy. She and Pete come up with a plan in which Julie would seduce Billy to get information. Then, all of a sudden, Pete takes issue with the idea of Julie being with Billy, and Julie feels inclined to not only assure Pete that she didn’t actually have sex with Billy but to also slip into bed with him so that he can “hold her” for a while. And then… that’s it. Nothing else happens. No kiss, nothing. I don’t have a problem with keeping relationships platonic (it’s not like I’m dying to have every film I watch turn into a sappy romance novel), but if you’re going to do something at least commit to it and do it all the way. Otherwise leave it out. It’s unnecessarily confusing to write a storyline without a full arc. Unless of course it’s done in the hopes of completing said arc in the sequel. But with The Mod Squad? I doubt even the filmmakers were that optimistic.
And let me just say this about The Mod Squad (although it applies to every other film out there attempting to adapt a retro TV series for the big screen): Just because something was cool in the 60s and 70s doesn’t mean that it’ll hold up now. I understand the nostalgia, that feeling you get when you think about your favorite TV shows from childhood. I, too, have thought about the possibility of perhaps updating some of those wonderful series from back in the day (Full House 2.0? No? There could be a bright future for me on the CW…). But just because you throw in some cheesy music and fancy editing (and by fancy editing I mean repeating the same shot 3-4 times in succession) doesn’t mean you’ll be able to recapture your youth. Which brings me back to my original point: nostalgia isn’t always a good thing. Thinking fondly about things like stirrup pants, scrunchy socks and side pony tails is much better when you don’t actually have to relive the style. You understand my meaning.
