Have you ever browsed a video store and come across a film that makes you think, Hm. This looks like it could be interesting. And he was in it? When the hell did he do this? And why have I never heard of it? Did it go straight to video? Is there a reason it went straight to video? Maybe I should go ahead and rent it. Then again, maybe I’ll just catch it on DirecTV in a few weeks. So you leave and go home, and lo and behold!, a few weeks later you’re scrolling through the channel guide when you come across that very film on Showtime. And immediately after you watch it, you thank God you didn’t actually spend the five bucks to rent it. Such was my experience with 2008’s Pathology.
The premise itself is actually kind of interesting. Hot shot pathology doctors (if there is such a thing, of course) enter into a bet to see who can pull off the perfect murder. In order to participate, however, each doctor must kill someone (preferably a vagrant or otherwise morally corrupt individual) and bring the body in for examination. The point of the game is to commit a murder so ingenious that the other doctors are unable to determine a cause of death. Some doctors, we discover, are as equally depraved as their murder victims (Jake Gallo, played by Michael Weston); while others, we find, have something of a conscience (Milo Ventimiglia as Ted Grey, the new guy in the lab, who’s both smarter and better looking than Jake). I smell a rivalry!
Plot alone, Pathology seemed to have what it takes to be at least a minor success, so I’m not going to lay into the writers too hard on this one. Plus, the casting kind of makes me smile… It’s as if every popular TV series of late decided to film a single reunion episode in a morgue. Take the leads: Ventimiglia, although best known for Heroes has made rounds on Gilmore Girls and Law and Order: SVU. Weston has also made an appearance or three on SVU, as Benson’s wrongfully-accused half brother, and, most recently, has had a recurring role on House M.D. Alyssa Milano (Charmed, Melrose Place, Who’s the Boss?) has near-top billing, even though she’s only actually in the film a grand total of like, twenty minutes. Lauren Lee Smith (C.S.I., The L Word) and Johnny Whitworth (who’s had cameos on nearly every TV show on the CBS primetime lineup but who I have loved since 1995’s Empire Records) round out the cast as Juliette and Griffin.
I think Pathology’s biggest problem is that it assumes its audience is only interested in sex and drugs. Granted, sex and drugs can be fun times, but I don’t need to watch the never-ending montages of nudity, sex in inappropriate places (a couple of feet away from a dead man on the floor of his shitty house? I’ll pass, thank you), and passing around the ice pipe for ¾ of the movie. I get it: an autopsy is just one big party!
Whoa, there’s a body there. Three days of sleep deprivation, I thought I was hallucinating. Awesome…
And then there’s the fact that I didn’t even realize Smith was the girl from C.S.I. until I looked it up on IMDb. Who knew overt sexuality would somehow overshadow her acting chops? And who could have guessed Milano would play the “good girl” in the film? Did the casting directors mix up their notes somewhere along the way?
Of course, Pathology’s ultimate downfall could probably be attributed to its predictable ending. Really, when you get down to it, every story can be classified as one of the following: man v. nature; man v. man; man v. the environment; man v. technology; man v. the supernatural; man v. self; and man v. God (flash back to ninth grade English much?). For the most part, Pathology stays within the confines of man v. man (I think at some point it tries to venture into the world of man v. self, although Ventimiglia does a shitty job of selling the idea that he’s really against sex, drugs and murder when he participates in all three so willingly). The film’s ending is inevitable: Bad Guy (Weston) murders Good Guy (Ventimiglia)’s fiancee in a final play at dominance, but FAILS because Good Guy figures out Bad Guy’s methods and turns the tables against him!, performing the same deadly act on Bad Guy as Bad Guy performed on Good Guy’s fiancee, thereby beating Bad Guy at his own game and coming out the ultimate victor. It’s a recipe for an endless number of Hollywood fables. Insert genre here.
Actually, I think the best part of the entire film can’t be seen in the actual film itself. Rather, it’s something that can be found on the back of the DVD case (or bottom of the IMDb page). It’s the MPAA rating. And Pathology’s is as follows:
Rated R for disturbing and perverse behavior throughout, including violence, gruesome images, strong sexual content, nudity, drug use and language.
“Perverse behavior throughout”. God, I love the MPAA.
