stale popcorn

I often find that movie trailers are misleading.  Sometimes you see a trailer for something and you think, Eh.  Maybe when it comes out on DVD (like Forgetting Sarah Marshall – that film was really poorly promoted, and yet it now holds a place in my top ten all time favorites).  And then there are those times when you see the trailer for a film and you think, That looks pretty sweet.  Maybe when it starts playing in the dollar theater (do those still exist anymore, by the way?).  I found myself having this thought the first time I saw the trailer for 2009’s Push.

I mean, that has all the aspects of a great trailer: cool techno music, quick cuts (for those of us with the short attention spans – like me), the best parts from the fight sequences, special effects, and witty one-liners (which I realize now was done to keep the audience from seeing the full extent of the bad acting).

The premise is kind of interesting, I’ll give them that.  Government testing on people has resulted in the Division, an agency whose focus lies in psychic warfare.  The three main psychic types are Watchers, those who can see the future; Movers, or telekinetics; and Pushers, those who can influence the thoughts of others. Watcher Cassie (Dakota Fanning) tracks down Mover Nick (Chris Evans, who pretty much plays the same character as he did in Fantastic Four, minus the fire) in Hong Kong in the hopes of finding missing Pusher Kira (Camilla Belle), who holds the secret to bringing down the Division.  On the other side is Pusher Henry (Djimon Hounsou), who’s also searching for Kira, as she is, coincidentally, the key to the future of psychic warfare.  Throw in some cool fights, some crazy effects, and some flashy editing and you’ve got yourself a film for our generation, right?

Wrong.  Turns out in spite of its efforts to be overly cool, Push ends up more like that kid in high school in the carefully distressed jeans who spent just a little too much time spiking his hair in the morning – perhaps it’s just too cool to actually be cool.  The music is a bit much – half way through I was expecting strobe lights and ecstasy.

And the acting?  Well, it’s kind of split down the middle, you could say.  Evans is entertaining, definitely.  And he has a certain charm, which I can only assume is how he must be in real life, as every role he’s ever played seems to have a fairly similar personality.  And there really is no denying Hounsou’s acting chops… He’s been nominated for two Oscars (quite honestly, I loved him in Constantine, but I may be in the minority on that one).  He could probably read an instruction manual and I’d find him fascinating (I choose to ignore the fact that he’s with Kimora Lee (Simmons), who is beyond obnoxious).

And then there are the girls.  I have to say I never really expect much from Camilla Belle, so she was more of a minor irritation than a complete disappointment.  I’m kind of over girls who try to act through their eyes alone.  But Dakota… For some reason, I expected more from her.  Perhaps it was all the acclaim she received for her role in I Am Sam… But this?  This was just – well, painful.  The constant hands on the temple (to really show the audience that she’s concentrating).  And her dialogue… I’m not sure which was worse, the lines she had or her delivery of them (“You better do something quick, ‘cause I’m getting sick of drawing dead bodies”).  Hmm… Perhaps it was a combination of the two?  Not to mention the part where she gets drunk in order to have clearer visions (seriously).  You know they say if you want to appear drunk, you should act sober (makes sense, considering that’s what people do when they really are drunk).  My guess is Fanning missed that acting class.  And New Moon comes out in a few months – God help us all.

Really, the only part of Push that made me think was the ending.  And it only made me think in the sense of, That was it?  That’s how it ends?  WTF?! Obviously the filmmakers were trying to set it up for a sequel.  But my psychic Watcher powers are coming through.  It’s fuzzy, but… (my hands are on my temples) Ah, here it is.  The future of Push?  It’s empty.  Hey, maybe I should draw some X’s over the DVD cover, just so everyone really knows it’s dead.